You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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