Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
