I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
