A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
