Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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