fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
