When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
