she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
