the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
