When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
