office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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