I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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