I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
