Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
