Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We were destined to go to rehab together
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
