i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
