I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
