i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
