At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize