I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
