Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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