I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
