if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
