Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
