yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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