Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
