You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
How external is "for external use only"?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
