He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
