Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
