and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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