is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
