I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
