was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
