Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
