I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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