What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
