did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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