Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
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