Quick, to the slutcave!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
