YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
