pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
