i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
