1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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