dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
