You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
she smelled like a LAN party
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
