I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
