dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
