i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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