I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
