took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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