i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Drunk is a universal language darling
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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