If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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